To Serve or To Be Served....that is the question

In the forty-five years I've been alive I have had multiple (as in hundreds if not thousands) of opportunities to serve others. When I was younger it was often on a stage with a choir, a microphone or a dance partner singing our hearts out and giving our audience a respite from their current state of affairs. I would look out and see the wrinkles of aged faces dissolve away as their eyes would take on that misty, far-away look of a bygone era living only in the recesses of their memory. I would see couples reach for their partner's hand as we struck our single pose and sang a love-song. They would smile at each other and it didn't take a brain surgeon to see the memories flitting between them.

As I got older and began to mature i had the opportunity to expand my horizons. It would be in helping my mom with meals on wheels and listening to the fascinating stories of the people we were serving. It woud come in the shape of a note handwritten and delivered to someone needing encouragement to get through a rough patch. Another opportunity morphed into the hearts and voices of a choir or a congregation raised in praise and adoration to our God and Savior. Yet another would come in the decision to spare a new mom the frustration of having to make a meal while delivering love and nourishment to her family. (caveat: I am not the world's greatest cook. In fact, when it comes to meals I am the three basics kind of gal - protein, veggie and side. So, my delivered meals were often store bought lasagna with garlic bread and a salad. No one ever complained about getting a free meal....no matter where it came from! :D )

So, I've had lots of experience in blessing others. It's easy - I bless, I help, I encourage, and I feel good. Really good. I like blessing others.

I've begun to realize something, though, and it's the darkside of being a blessing.

To Bless or to Be Blessed....

The darkside is that "or be blessed" part. It's hard to allow others to bless me. 

I don't like to be needy. (got over that thanks to a self help book or two - or a broken relationship or two - in college thankyaverymuch!)

I don't like to have to rely on other people to get by. 

I don't like to be at the mercy of someone else doing things I know I can and should be able to do myself. 

And therein lies the problem. 

*I* Want To Be the Blessing!

*I* Want To Be The One On The Pedestal

*I* Want To Be the One People LAUD as "Such a Helper!"

Am I the only one? 

I think not. 

IN fact, I know not. 

We all do that. How hard it is to accept the help of a stranger when they see us struggling with a door and hands full. How hard it is to accept the help of a friend who knows we just can't get to _____________ right now and they step in to do that for us so we can mark it off our list. How hard it is to ASK someone to give an encouraging word because we're just so down we can't see up. 

I figured something out tonight regarding this phenomena....

In digging down to the heart of serving, I am beginning to realize the blessing that comes from letting others bless me. That sounds crazy and selfish, but in fact it is the opposite. 

If I'm always rushing to bless others and never allowing them to bless me (ie: help me) I'm really saying that I don't need  people, but people need me. I'm putting myself on the pedestal in the name of serving others. 

Living this way perpetuates a spirit of unworthiness in others instead of instilling in them a knowledge that they matter - they have worth - they are a necessary part of this equation called life. If we always step up to prove we don't need help with such-and-such ("Oh! Thank You, but I can get that!) we are robbing someone of the blessing to be a blessing. 

Think about the last person you witnessed helping someone. Think of the person serving, and then think of the person being served. BOTH of them were given a gift, right? The server was filling a need - realizing they were doing something good - and it made them feel good about themselves, right? The servee was made to feel worthy of service and being seen. 

Now think about that same scene a hundred times over. If the person serving only serves and the person being served only receives what happens? 

Anger. 

On both parts. 

The Server gets tired of always having to serve and they begin to see the people they are serving as greedy curmudgeons only grabbing and nabbing what others will give. 

The Served begins to feel like they can't do anything on their own and they figure they might as well just give up. 

So where am I going with this? What does it mean for those of us, like me, who are in a place of serving a lot and authentically enjoy the occasion to serve others? How do we give that back?

Well, here's what I learned today. 

My son is attending a workshop in a town about 40 minutes from our home. I was there serving in the kitchen when I ran out to my car to get my purse and retrieve some money for his lunch and dinner. The only problem was that my purse was not in my car. It was at home, forty minutes away, sitting in the kitchen where I forgot to grab it on my way out the door. 

The food I had been preparing was for the staff members. My son is a teenaged boy who thinks every food item on earth is not enough to satisfy his hunger. I was facing quite the conundrum. 

I had a choice. 1) I could run home and get my purse and make that trip 6 times in one day because I had to return home to teach and then go back to get him. OR 2) I could share my dilemma with the staff and ask for help. 

I asked for help. 

And I got way more than I deserved. 

And the gal who helped me kept saying over and over, "thank you so much for asking for help! I'm so glad I could help you out this way!" In the midst of the helping I was able to hear a really cool God story about her recent vacation, and we reveled together in the goodness of our Savior. 

If I hadn't asked I wouldn't have received. 

If I hadn't asked, she wouldn't have been given the blessing of being a blessing. 

Asking isn't easy for me. 

NOT.

AT. 

ALL!

My independent streak is strong. My mom, in fact, shares the story of when I was a very young girl and we were standing with a friend of hers. Mom looked at me and said to her friend, "UGH! She is SO independen it drives me crazy!" Her friend laughed and said, "Gee, I wonder where she gets that from?" We all know very well that the apple did not fall very far from the tree!

I'm learning, though. I'm learning to ask for help. 

It's not easy. 

I reallllllllly don't like it. 

But I'm learning to be strong enough to be weak enough to let someone else be strengthened through my neediness. (think that was hard to read? Try to get it to type coherently! LOL!)

In all seriousness, though, read it again...

I'm learning to be strong enough to be weak enough to let someone else be strengthened through my neediness.

Who are you strengthening by letting them serve you? Who needs to know they have what is necessary to help others in this world? Who in your realm of influence needs to have someone say to them, "I honestly can't do this, and I see in you the knowledge and wisdom to get it done.  Could you help me, please?" 

Yes, yes, yes....I know. Some of you are thinking of that person who really is a master at being served. They are willing to ask for EVERYTHING! I'm not talking about that person....I'm talking about those of us who do such a good job of serving we would rather waste an hour and a half of our time and a quarter tank of gas to take care of our needs than ask someone for help. I'm talking about those of us who are really good at jumping in to help out with a need when we're able, but refuse to ask for the same help we gave when the tables are turned. 

There's a word for that. 

Pride. 

EEEK! Are you willing to humble yourself and allow someone to serve you? Wtih no expectation of you serving them back? 

I'm not totally there yet, but I'd love to know there are people willing to walk that trail with me. 

I'd like to bless others....and revel in that joy. 

I'd also like to see the faces of those blessing me light up when they realize how very much their service is appreciated. 

How are you going to start? I'd like to hear your thoughts.....

DARE TO BE....

Last night a friend and I attended a Natalie Grant concert. You may have heard of it - it's her Dare To Be tour with Pastor Charlotte Gambill (who never missed the opportunity to remind us England really is our MOTHER country so we need to listen. :) ) My friend had gotten tickets to the VIP portion so we were there before the show with Charlotte and Natalie and about 50 other women. It was an opportunity to ask questions of Charlotte and Natalie, so there were a few women who did just that. While they were asking questions I noticed one continual thread weaving its way through the women...this was not a conversation to be had, this was a "here's who I am and why I'm needing you to know me...please tell me how I can be like you" time. 

Before I continue let me say something. There is truth in the adage, "It takes one to know one." I know this is true because I have been in that place. I have been the one to stand up and say, "good evening, ladies, it is an honor to be here with you. I am a (singer, writer, worship leader, mom, wife, aspiring speaker) and so my question for you is how do I ___________ to get myself on stage and share my talents with the world?" 

NOTE: I did NOT - EVER - say it like that. It would be couched with Christian friendly phrases like, "I sense God's call to share my talents to glorify His Kingdom, but I'm wondering how to overcome....." The enemy wouldn't have us be so bold in front of humble servants of Christ with our self-centeredness, would he? NO! He wants us to come off as a humble, expectant and simply curious person. 

But I did say it. I would give my resume' before I asked a question. I would share my dream before I asked how they accomplished theirs. I would tell them all the great and wonderful things about me then say I was terrified and didn't know how to get past that fear. "Is there a secret, ladies? You're on stage, and I'm not, so obviously you know the secret and I need to know it because I want to be on stage, too."

I must give Natalie and Charlotte praise here - just as Jesus dealt fairly yet firmly with the Pharisees in His compassionate frustration, those two crazy blondes spoke with friendliness and firmness in what they had to say. With the first resume' given they simply answered the question. However, as the questions continued and it seemed like each new questioner needed to one-up the last, the answers became bolder and clearer that the real problem was not the issue asked about, but the heart. The heart of the person asking "why am I no longer getting asked to speak?" "what do I do with the fear that seems to hold me back?" "how do I do what I do better so God will notice and I will be famous like you?" (that last one was asked in a very different way, but....) was the real problem. 

If the heart lacks wisdom we need to ask GOD Who will give it generously without condemnation. (James 1:5 paraphrase mine)

Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true wisdom. All who obey His commandments will grow in wisdom. Praise Him forever! (Proverbs 3:7)

It's a heart problem when we long to be famous "so we can share our talents for the glory of the Kingdom of Heaven." 

It's a heart problem, not a fear problem, when we are afraid we won't be good enough for so-and-so, or that we won't look the way we think we should, or that we aren't funny/intelligent/as gifted as the other person so we are afraid to step out and DARE TO BE. 

It's

A

HEART

Problem

And like I said - I know this because I've been there. I've been that person asking the question but really just wanting to be able to say I told the-person-everyone's-heard-of who I am. I've been that person legitimately wanting to know how to get past my fear but not even realizing that, to those who have learned this hard lesson, I am simply a person who needs to get real with God and let go of the desire to BE something I'm not (yet). 

AAAAAAAAAnnnnnndddd....true confessions: Charlotte's words of God's truth struck down a chain in my own heart regarding the sins that so easily entangle. 

I do struggle with fear. I have lived my life within the stronghold of shame - not of what I had done, but of who I was. I have been made fun of and put down for being myself, so I've tried to fit in by being someone else. I've been there, and, although I no longer live in shame (THANK YOU, JESUS!), I still fall into the pit of comparison (which is probably why I have to write about it so much...I'm preaching to myself!). 

One gal, sitting behind me, asked the question I would have asked, but she asked it much more beautifully than I could have. "How do you deal with the insecurity and stage fright that comes from being a worship leader?" 

Natalie's answer was a balm to my soul. I'll paraphrase, but basically, she said she has learned to celebrate the fear because if she's not nervous or doesn't have a bit of stage fright then, to her, it means she's gotten to the place where "she's got this" and she isn't going to fully rely on God to show up and do what He does. If we really want God to be glorified, we need to be uncomfortable in our own skin so we don't pat ourselves on the back when things go right. 

Charlotte's answer hit me right between the eyes. Again, I'll paraphrase...there is a difference in fears that we sometimes don't realize. To be afraid of something because we want God to be the center of attention and we're afraid we're going to do something to botch it up is a godly fear. It is a fear of the Lord. However, to be afraid we're going to look wrong, be dressed wrong, mess up somehow or not 'do it right' is a fear of man and we need to confess that and deal with it. 

I fight within myself the fear of man. 

I know I'm not alone in that ring. I know there are many, many women who have those boxing gloves made of cement on their hands, too. 

So ladies, instead of trying to be better than the next gal why don't we learn to celebrate the fact that God created us to work together? Natalie Grant and Charlotte Gambill stood on either side of a woman from our local community and spoke truth - we are sisters in Christ, we will spend eternity with each other, let's celebrate and honor one another instead of pull each other down and pump ourselves up. 

is there someone you'd like to honor today? Please share it in the comments so we can all honor them, too. 

Go today, ladies, and spur one another on to outbursts of love and good deeds!!

(and I'm praying right now that if no one even responds to this that it just won't matter...Lord, I write because You're asking me to write. I surrender and ask forgiveness for my desire to be honored and lifted up for who I am instead of WHOSE I am. May You do whatever it is you want to do with this blog...and may I remain faithful to Your Word no matter the number of people reading.) 

A Sinful Woman's reflection on a Woman of Righteousness

Luke 1:26-38 NLTIn the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a village in Galilee, to a virgin named Mary. She was engaged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of King David. Gabriel appeared to her and said, “Greetings, favored woman! The Lord is with you! ” Confused and disturbed, Mary tried to think what the angel could mean. “Don’t be afraid, Mary,” the angel told her, “for you have found favor with God! You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus. He will be very great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David. And he will reign over Israel forever; his Kingdom will never end!” Mary asked the angel, “But how can this happen? I am a virgin.” The angel replied, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the baby to be born will be holy, and he will be called the Son of God. What’s more, your relative Elizabeth has become pregnant in her old age! People used to say she was barren, but she has conceived a son and is now in her sixth month. For the word of God will never fail. ” Mary responded, “I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.” And then the angel left her.

I don't want to, nor can I, personalize this as if I were Mary and can relate to what was going on inside. When I was younger I faced a pregnancy as a single woman, but that was the result of my sin. Mary's pregnancy was the result of her virtue! Knowing my own experience I have to wonder, though, what went through her head. Did she wish God had chosen someone else at times? Did she have private conversations with Him when she wanted to hide in the covering and never come out? It was during my pregnancy that God got my attention and changed my life. Mary's life certainly changed, too. One day I was reading Mary's account of being told she would have a child, and I remembered my own experiences way back then. I will emphasize that I can in no way, shape or form, know what it would be like to be held up as virtuous enough to carry the Son of God. However, the responses of others and the weight of those nine months are something that got me thinking....Did Mary's prayer life go something like this?...

Did she say to Him, "My Lord, You are my Yeshuah, and I give You praise. But, OH, ABBA! Why me? I am a simple woman who loves Your law, but who am I to carry the Messiah?!? THE MESSIAH!! The One my people have talked about and waited for - why did You choose ME?"

I believer that could be a prayer of her heart, but what about the moment when she told Joseph? Was her prayer a bit different then?

"Oh, Abba! Father! El Berit! God of the Covenant! My Joseph is hurt and very upset that I am carrying this child! When I say He is the Child of God, our Adonai, I sound like the crazy woman who lives up the hill! WHY ME? WHY have You chosen me? Yahweh! Must I lose my Joseph and be alone so he Messiah may come? Yahweh-Shalom, I need Your peace! Yahweh-Jirah, I need Your provision. Help me trust You, Yahweh-Shammah. Calm my spirit - I trust You."

What about when the people have found out and think that she and Joseph (the "Barbie and Ken" perfect couple?) have been intimate before they were meant to be? The pain! The ridicule and the looks!!

Did her private prayers sound like, "OH. MY. ADONAI! My spirit aches and my heart is broken by the things being said by our "friends" and the people we come in contact with. Yahweh, I know, and Joseph knows, that it is The Messiah - Soter - Whom I carry, and our hope, trust and strength are all in You. Bolster my spirit that the painful things being said will not cut through. Adonai, I am Yours and I love Your law - turn my ears deaf to the words of condemnation and close my eyes to the looks of scorn. I'm so unworthy and weak. Why have You chosen me? Surely there are stronger, more capable women who could and would be a better choice! I am humbled, Abba, that You find me worthy. Give me the fortitude to continue to be so. El Shaddai - My El Shaddai - El Elyona, Adonai!"

My sin...your sin...she carried the weight of all of us in the form of a tiny baby for nine months. The saving grace is Jesus' death and resurrection, but please do not look over the miracle of Christmas and what was sacrificed for YOU and for me.

Any of these prayers could be. How awesome to have lived a life God saw as worthy to carry His SON! And how thankful I am for Mary to do so and bring MY Soter - My SAVIOR - into this earth in human form!!

He gave up streets of Gold to walk on paths of dirt so we can walk those streets of gold WITH HIM for eternity. Selah.