Day 11 of 51...

In 1995 I prayed a prayer that would forever change my life. I didn't know it was going to change my life, but as I look back on the last 25 years I am reminded of what the fervent prayers of a person whose heart is stayed on Christ will set ablaze in the Spiritual realm. The hard part with fervent prayers is they usually require change and transformation, and we all know how easily that takes place! (insert rolling of my eyes here 😄)

Fast forward to September 2020. My heart's desire is fervent like it hasn't been in years. My awareness of the spiritual oppression in the area where I live is, at times, completely overwhelming. I have the opportunity (did I really just use that word for what is happening?!?!) to see firsthand the enemy's plan to pull people away from their loved ones to resist the conviction of conscience. The relationships with people I've known and appreciated for years are deteriorating as they look at me like the enemy because I ask hard questions and refuse to raise my voice in ways they think are necessary to prove my love for humanity. Outside of my personal bubble, I see destruction, hatred, and absolute vitriol being spewed in all directions. My heart aches in ways I cannot put into words more often than it rests in satisfaction of the life I'm living. 

Which tells me there's work to be done. 

I have one desire for my life - to know I have shared the love of Christ with those around in me in ways that became real and engaging to them. The keyword there is love. What is love? (baby don't hurt me......you knew I couldn't resist! The '80s are alive and well in my musical brain! But I digress....) Honestly, though, what IS love? 

Is love just accepting and affirming a person in everything they do so they never have to deal with the pain of wrong choices or, let's call it what it is, sin? 

Is love being the cheerleader every person needs while leaving the coach on the bench? 

Is love only pointing out what needs to be changed because I know it will make them better?

Is love being sure no one is ever angry at me so I only say the good things?

Is love about feeling good? At all times? Only good vibes? Ever? 

After almost 23 years of marriage, my solid answer to all of those questions above is a resounding, NO. 

Love is seeing the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly in a person and still seeing them as made in the image of God. Seeing the humanity of a person - the imperfections that can make life with them more difficult - and still choosing to say and do what is necessary to show they have worth simply because they are created in the image of God. 

Love is being willing to say the hard things when a wrong is done - not to condemn the person or to "put them in their place" - but so there can be a conversation, a heart-opening, and healing discussion. Hopefully, this conversation will bring them AND your relationship into a better place. (side note: sometimes the conversation you think you need to have with a person about their problem turns into a conversation they need to have about yours. Humbly approaching the confrontation of a problem allows that reciprocal love in action and brings far greater rewards in the long run.)

Love is realizing that God is at work in each of us, and His timing may not look like our timing. Okay, let's correct that - His timing RARELY looks like our timing. No, wait...better correction yet: His timing *never* looks like our timing! And yet, His timing is far better than we could ever expect or imagine because He sees the entirety of a situation (aaaaalllllllll the threads weaving together in the background) and knows exactly when they need to intersect to create the proverbial tapestry of our lives, and, ultimately, His Kingdom. Love knows God sees that person and cares for them far more than we can, even if we love with the kind of love that is at times painful. 

Love is looking beyond the symptoms (outward actions) to the core of the issue (the heart's genuine need) and looking for ways to fill that need regardless of the reaction you may receive. 

All of this sounds an awful lot like what I have, at times, sought to avoid measuring my love against (I know I'm not the only one, c'mon!): 

I Corinthians 13: 1-8a:

    If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, 

    I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 

    And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, 

    and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, 

    I am nothing. 

    If I give away all I have, 

    and if I deliver up my body to be burned, 

    but have not love, 

    I gain nothing. 

    Love is patient and kind;

    love does not envy or boast;

    love is not arrogant or rude.

    It does not insist on its own way;

    it is not irritable or resentful;

    it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, 

    but rejoices with the truth. 

    Love bears all things, 

    believes all things 

    hopes all things, 

    endures all things. 

    Love never ends. 

As I have walked through (emotionally crawled through some of) these past 11 days, I am continually reminded of how genuine love can change a situation.

I keep calling these situations I am living as opportunities, but let's be real - no situation that requires us to act on what we know is true when what we *really* want to do is respond in our humanity - is seen as an opportunity at the time! 

However, looking back I can see them as exactly that. I have had multiple opportunities to either love or try to look like love but was really only to tolerate. In one situation I saw the power of genuine love in the atmospheric changes from arrival to departure, but others are still a work in progress. Each morning I wake up with the fervent prayers for loved ones on my mind and have to make the choice to either trust God in His timing and work in their lives, or get angry about what they are choosing to do (or not do). Each and every day I have had to wrestle with what it looks like to love as Christ loves. In looking at the list above I don't know that I have succeeded, but I can say there is growth. 

So what does all this mean? Well, I think if you're reading this there's a reason. I don't believe in chance or coincidence. I believe, if you're here, it's because maybe there's a message here for you. I don't dare say I know why - I have no idea what you're here for - but God does, and that's enough for me. This is, to speak to what I said at the beginning, a portion of what needs to be done. 

My mission right now is to share genuine love with people. My ability to keep "that tone" out of my voice, or to always speak lovingly to those around me is not always intact, however, so I am currently learning that love is sometimes also silent. Sometimes love doesn't speak to the person, but speaks instead to the Creator of the person. If there is one lesson I have firmly grasped over the past 25 years it is that I cannot, no matter how hard I try, change a person. I've learned that only God can bring about the change that is necessary. So I speak to Him about the person...and He often reveals to me, with a proverbial arm around my shoulder and a sweet chuckle in the doing, what I need to change or see in the situation I am lifting up. But at 1:17 pm I have the pure joy of pouring out love on others by lifting them up to the throne of grace with confidence regardless of our personal situation. 

Every day. 

The alarm is set on both phone and watch. 

1:17 pm. Prayer. 

I don't know what is happening in response, but I know my God is faithful and He bends down to listen. So I pray. 

How do you love? Do you love? Do you know the Author of love? Do you want to? I'd be thrilled to introduce you! Leave a comment and let me know. 

(if you know where this photo is from - please let me know. I want to give credit because it is so good!)

Also, I'd enjoy hearing what you are doing to love your neighbor as yourself these days! May you be encouraged....and know I'm praying for you. I may not know your name, but God does. 💓

Be a blessing...

- Trayc

Prayer Changes Things

Lately the power of prayer has been a constant reminder. I have been reminded that God sees me....He hears me...He bends down to listen...He cares. I've been brought up short as I'm reminded that my prayers are not a to-do list for God, but rather a heart surrendering to His will as I humbly reveal the deepest parts of me to the Only One Who can really do anything about it. When I've prayed and not seen immediate results I've been reminded that patience is a virtue - a character trait not ingrained, but learned. Finally, when I have seen the joy of prayers affirmed and answered only to be sent back to square two a couple days later I've been reminded that life is a journey and just because I pray and He answers doesn't mean it's all going to be A-Okay from then on. 

What it does mean is that He still sees me. He stills hears me. He still bends down to listen, and, no matter what, He still cares. 

About every little detail. 

Every. 

Little. 

Detail. 

HE CARES

This excerpt from a devotional on prayer by Jack Graham speaks directly to what I have been experiencing and thinking recently. 

"When you and I arrive at heaven's gate someday, no doubt we will be shocked by our lack of faithfulness as it relates to prayer. We will see firsthand the vast storehouse of blessing God had reserved for us, if only we had asked for His intervention in our lives. "You do not have because you do not ask." James 4:2 reads. What a fitting reminder to pray while we still have life left to live! Indeed, nothing good, nothing great, nothing lasting, nothing holy can ever happen apart from prayer.

That is why prayer should never be a sideline habit for believers. Prayer should not just be a ritual performed at the beginning of a family meal. We are to pray, persistently and passionately in dependence and in obedience. And let me be clear, if you are not praying, there is no way you can ever grow as a Christian. Without prayer, there is no way you will ever truly know God intimately. Prayer flows out of a life connected to Christ. And prayer also connects our life to Christ."

taken from "Lord, Hear Our Cry: A 30-Day Prayer Challenge" by Dr. Jack Graham

(you can also do this plan on the youversion.com Bible )

Those last couple of sentences in the second paragraph were like arrows between the eyes for me. "without prayer, there is no way you will ever truly know God intimately. Prayer flows out of a life connected to Christ. And prayer also connects our life to Christ." To know God intimately requires getting together with Him and connecting not just at the head level, but on a heart level. 

For example...I listen to a few different Bible teachers as I prepare for my day. I may listen to Dr. Charles Swindoll one day, and Dr. Stanley the next...or I might listen to a podcast from my own church or our previous church's teaching. Although the last two pastors I do know personally, I cannot say I know them intimately. Because I have listened to Dr. Swindoll for so many years and read so many of his books I can say I sometimes feel as if I know him. My own pastors I can even say I know pretty well.....but intimately? Uh. No. 

However, I can say I know my husband and children intimately. I can also say I have intimate friends. The difference between them and the people I mentioned in the previous paragraph? Easy answer....time spent together getting real with each other. 

It is not a one way relationship. I do not read God's word and think I know Him intimately. I do not only pray and think I know Him intimately. One without the other leaves one of us out in the cold. 

Reading God's Word gives us an intimate knowledge of Who He is - we get to know Who He is throughout His interactions with others. We don't, however, fully grasp the magnitude of who He is if we only know Him intellectually. 

There is a current movement to seek the Holy Spirit and to consistently let Him guide through prayer and fervent times of seeking His voice. Not a bad thing....unless the voices in our heads that we think are the Holy Spirit are actually not of God at all. The voice we hear goes against what the Word of God says, but because we aren't reading the Bible we aren't aware of it....and we are led astray under the guise of "following the Spirit's leading." 

Praying alone gives us, at times, an emotional heart-level understanding of Who He is, but not knowing the truth of Who He is as we read in His Word leaves us wanting intellectually. 

Then there's our side. If we spend time reading His Word - studying, digging in, getting to know Him - we know His character. If we spend time praying for others in accordance with His Word we trust what we know of Him. Sounds pretty well-rounded, huh? Pretty full? We know, love and trust Him, so we're good? 

Not quite. 

WE know HIM...and HE knows US....but do we *intimately* trust Him with our most intimate selves? Our deepest hurts? Our most fervent desires? Our greatest doubts? Our rage and frustration over the injustices in our lives and the world around us? 

Nope. 

If we aren't willing to spend time getting real with God our Christian life, as Dr. Graham stated, is stunted. We don't grow in Him. We don't thrive. We don't grasp the power available to us through Him. 

Today I am in that place of frustration over the answers to my prayers being ping-ponged back and forth between "Passing Go" and "Going directly to Jail" (we'll use Monopoly as a tangible example of what the prayers - answered - seeing - positive - results - while - in - the - next - moment - human - nature - takes - over - and - pulls - it - back - again feels like). I hate it. I want to do some major brain surgery on a certain young person in my life who keeps being offered grace, celebrates and jumps in, freaks out and jumps back out again where he can be comfortable. 

I am reminded life is a journey. Reminded that, just because one day seems like my prayers are answered and life is going to be beautiful all the time from here on out, I still live in a broken world where the only hope I have is knowing the One Who created all things and in Whom all things hold together. 

So today I pray again....for the very same thing I've been praying for over the last few months. I cling again...to the hope found only in Jesus Christ. I trust again...in the fact that God the Father knows exactly what His plan is and I don't. I remind myself (again)....patience is a character trait that is learned, not given. Then I scream and kick my feet because I want patience in the situation......NOW! ......and I start all over again knowing that everyday really does bring a brighter hope, a bit more trust, a lot more patience. 

Because after all.....

Middle School Ministry Rocks!

I have the awesome privilege of working with our Middle School group at our church each Sunday and Wednesday. I work with 6th grade girls, and although girls are SO different from my boys I'm raising, I thoroughly enjoy investing in them. 

This weekend we get to do some heavy investing - winter camp! Woo Hoo! Problem is.....I moved away from the snow. I like the look of snow, but I don't like hanging out in the snow. Aaaaaand, we're headed to the snow. 

Would you please pray for us? 

Here's what you can pray: 

* that these 150 middle schoolers will encounter the One True Living God - the UNSEEN One

* that through this weekend their hearts will be spurred on to outbursts of love and good deeds toward their community - at home, at school, at play and at church. 

* that fun will be had and no injuries will occur/ and that we'll all be safe and protected from harm.

* that friendships of accountability and challenge-toward-growth would be the norm and expectation.

* that we'll make it home in time on Sunday to see the Seahawks play the Patriots (due to the fact that I don't know who reads this blog, I will deter from saying "watching the Seahawks beat the Pats" You're welcome. :) )

* most of all - that this would be a God-Centered weekend! He is why we do what we do. May these students KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt that He loves them, sees them, and knows them...and that He wants THEM to KNOW HIM. 

Thank you!!

PS: I've been asking people to pray for my attitude...it's helping because taking my eyes off the fact that I'm going to be camping out in the snow and will instead be hanging with some pretty fascinating young people is beginning to excite me! So, thanks for praying!!