Day 11 of 51...

In 1995 I prayed a prayer that would forever change my life. I didn't know it was going to change my life, but as I look back on the last 25 years I am reminded of what the fervent prayers of a person whose heart is stayed on Christ will set ablaze in the Spiritual realm. The hard part with fervent prayers is they usually require change and transformation, and we all know how easily that takes place! (insert rolling of my eyes here 😄)

Fast forward to September 2020. My heart's desire is fervent like it hasn't been in years. My awareness of the spiritual oppression in the area where I live is, at times, completely overwhelming. I have the opportunity (did I really just use that word for what is happening?!?!) to see firsthand the enemy's plan to pull people away from their loved ones to resist the conviction of conscience. The relationships with people I've known and appreciated for years are deteriorating as they look at me like the enemy because I ask hard questions and refuse to raise my voice in ways they think are necessary to prove my love for humanity. Outside of my personal bubble, I see destruction, hatred, and absolute vitriol being spewed in all directions. My heart aches in ways I cannot put into words more often than it rests in satisfaction of the life I'm living. 

Which tells me there's work to be done. 

I have one desire for my life - to know I have shared the love of Christ with those around in me in ways that became real and engaging to them. The keyword there is love. What is love? (baby don't hurt me......you knew I couldn't resist! The '80s are alive and well in my musical brain! But I digress....) Honestly, though, what IS love? 

Is love just accepting and affirming a person in everything they do so they never have to deal with the pain of wrong choices or, let's call it what it is, sin? 

Is love being the cheerleader every person needs while leaving the coach on the bench? 

Is love only pointing out what needs to be changed because I know it will make them better?

Is love being sure no one is ever angry at me so I only say the good things?

Is love about feeling good? At all times? Only good vibes? Ever? 

After almost 23 years of marriage, my solid answer to all of those questions above is a resounding, NO. 

Love is seeing the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly in a person and still seeing them as made in the image of God. Seeing the humanity of a person - the imperfections that can make life with them more difficult - and still choosing to say and do what is necessary to show they have worth simply because they are created in the image of God. 

Love is being willing to say the hard things when a wrong is done - not to condemn the person or to "put them in their place" - but so there can be a conversation, a heart-opening, and healing discussion. Hopefully, this conversation will bring them AND your relationship into a better place. (side note: sometimes the conversation you think you need to have with a person about their problem turns into a conversation they need to have about yours. Humbly approaching the confrontation of a problem allows that reciprocal love in action and brings far greater rewards in the long run.)

Love is realizing that God is at work in each of us, and His timing may not look like our timing. Okay, let's correct that - His timing RARELY looks like our timing. No, wait...better correction yet: His timing *never* looks like our timing! And yet, His timing is far better than we could ever expect or imagine because He sees the entirety of a situation (aaaaalllllllll the threads weaving together in the background) and knows exactly when they need to intersect to create the proverbial tapestry of our lives, and, ultimately, His Kingdom. Love knows God sees that person and cares for them far more than we can, even if we love with the kind of love that is at times painful. 

Love is looking beyond the symptoms (outward actions) to the core of the issue (the heart's genuine need) and looking for ways to fill that need regardless of the reaction you may receive. 

All of this sounds an awful lot like what I have, at times, sought to avoid measuring my love against (I know I'm not the only one, c'mon!): 

I Corinthians 13: 1-8a:

    If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, 

    I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 

    And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, 

    and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, 

    I am nothing. 

    If I give away all I have, 

    and if I deliver up my body to be burned, 

    but have not love, 

    I gain nothing. 

    Love is patient and kind;

    love does not envy or boast;

    love is not arrogant or rude.

    It does not insist on its own way;

    it is not irritable or resentful;

    it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, 

    but rejoices with the truth. 

    Love bears all things, 

    believes all things 

    hopes all things, 

    endures all things. 

    Love never ends. 

As I have walked through (emotionally crawled through some of) these past 11 days, I am continually reminded of how genuine love can change a situation.

I keep calling these situations I am living as opportunities, but let's be real - no situation that requires us to act on what we know is true when what we *really* want to do is respond in our humanity - is seen as an opportunity at the time! 

However, looking back I can see them as exactly that. I have had multiple opportunities to either love or try to look like love but was really only to tolerate. In one situation I saw the power of genuine love in the atmospheric changes from arrival to departure, but others are still a work in progress. Each morning I wake up with the fervent prayers for loved ones on my mind and have to make the choice to either trust God in His timing and work in their lives, or get angry about what they are choosing to do (or not do). Each and every day I have had to wrestle with what it looks like to love as Christ loves. In looking at the list above I don't know that I have succeeded, but I can say there is growth. 

So what does all this mean? Well, I think if you're reading this there's a reason. I don't believe in chance or coincidence. I believe, if you're here, it's because maybe there's a message here for you. I don't dare say I know why - I have no idea what you're here for - but God does, and that's enough for me. This is, to speak to what I said at the beginning, a portion of what needs to be done. 

My mission right now is to share genuine love with people. My ability to keep "that tone" out of my voice, or to always speak lovingly to those around me is not always intact, however, so I am currently learning that love is sometimes also silent. Sometimes love doesn't speak to the person, but speaks instead to the Creator of the person. If there is one lesson I have firmly grasped over the past 25 years it is that I cannot, no matter how hard I try, change a person. I've learned that only God can bring about the change that is necessary. So I speak to Him about the person...and He often reveals to me, with a proverbial arm around my shoulder and a sweet chuckle in the doing, what I need to change or see in the situation I am lifting up. But at 1:17 pm I have the pure joy of pouring out love on others by lifting them up to the throne of grace with confidence regardless of our personal situation. 

Every day. 

The alarm is set on both phone and watch. 

1:17 pm. Prayer. 

I don't know what is happening in response, but I know my God is faithful and He bends down to listen. So I pray. 

How do you love? Do you love? Do you know the Author of love? Do you want to? I'd be thrilled to introduce you! Leave a comment and let me know. 

(if you know where this photo is from - please let me know. I want to give credit because it is so good!)

Also, I'd enjoy hearing what you are doing to love your neighbor as yourself these days! May you be encouraged....and know I'm praying for you. I may not know your name, but God does. 💓

Be a blessing...

- Trayc

What We Need Right Now...

 

My Birthday Wish, Part 1

Does anyone else have this problem? You have a conversation with a friend who is super on top of things and has spent 10 minutes telling you, without being arrogant about it...just sharing life, all the things they've accomplished in the last few months. It's incredibly encouraging, and you are pumped up to sit down and put together a plan for what you want to accomplish in the next few months, too. You sit down at your desk, or table, or grab a notebook and pen and head to "the office" to think...and you scribble away! The ideas are flowing, there's great content and you can't wait to get started. So you get things together for the first day of the BIG PLAN, and go to sleep excited about what lies ahead. 

The next morning your feet hit the floor and you get a phone call or text that shares a plan changer. It's a big one. Can't be ignored. So you figure, "okay. This is a setback. Not a total changer, just a today changer. I'll work on the plan as soon as this is taken care of." It's okay. It's going to be okay. Right? 

Pretty soon, you're looking at 6 months between plan date and calendar date and wondering how it happened?! 

Am I the only one? Please, someone tell me this happens to others...even (if not especially) to the super-on-top-of-it-all kind of person!! Because this has been most of our experiences of 2020, hasn't it? It has definitely been mine! 

No more!

It's September 22, 2020, and in two days I get to celebrate having made it through 51 years of life! It has not been easy, but boy do I have some pretty great memories to look back on. The really great ones come from those things I was scared to do but actually did anyway. The most heartwarming ones are the ones that scared the bajeebies out of me at the time because they required more of me than I thought I could give. The saddest ones are those that I let slip away...wishing I'd said something differently or had actually chanced saying at all. Hugging someone tighter the last time we saw each other face to face, or being okay with making them uncomfortable in the moment while I said to their face how much they have meant to me. I especially long for the times I could hold their hands and bow our heads in prayer together again. These are often partner pieces to the tremendous memories we share, which is why they make me so sad. I know I'm not alone in missing those we love but are not able to spend time with for whatever reason. 

I am thankful for the 51 years I've been given, and pray God gives me 51 more so I can continue to invest in others and share His beautiful Truth with a hurting world. I can pray, but the Lord determines the years...and because I don't know I must act now. 

Will you join me in acting on what God has impressed on me to share with others? Will you be willing to take time at 1:17 every day (am or pm, which ever works best for your schedule and you'll follow through on) and pray for our Nation, our Churches, our Families and our World? I am using 1:17 based on the verse I have used as my "life" verse since 1996 - Colossians 1:17 "He is before ALL things and IN HIM all things hold together." (emphasis mine)

A) Our Nation - This is not praying for a particular outcome to elections or people in office, but rather, for God to carry out what He needs for our nation. Pray for leaders whose hearts are soft to the still small voice of God and willing to put their desires on the back burner while implementing policy that will be for the best of our nation. We are not looking for a savior - we've already got one. We are, instead, praying that our nation will be a beacon of hope to the world. A beacon that shines with what freedom looks like. Loving our neighbors as we love ourselves, and seeking to spur others on to outbursts of love and good deeds. Pray that we would come together instead of raising fists and other tools of harm and destruction against each other. 

B) Our Churches - pray for bold church leaders and Christians who are thoughtful, disciplined followers of Christ. That our churches would preach Biblical Truth, and those who are not, who are using the name of Jesus to promote what will ultimately lead to death, will be convicted of the truth and turn back to what the Bible says a Christian is. That, in the meantime, correction would be done in love with those issues meant only to divide will be swept away where we can see what unites us and come together to love our communities in the way Jesus loved. 

C) Our Families - there are organizations seeking to tear down the family as God has shown it to be. May we rise up and pray to strengthen our families. Pray for Fathers to be spiritual leaders, hand-in-hand with their wives, to raise a generation of Christ-followers who understand what it is to be obedient and humbled before the authority of God because respect for authority has been taught in their homes. Pray for those who are single to remain strong and to be engulfed in the church as those who are vital to ministry and to community. May they know their worth is not found in marriage or children, but in their love for Christ as they are filled up and pour out as only they can. For our children, pray they would be taught well and that the teachings of the Bible will be planted as acorns in the heart of their lives. As they grow, may those acorns bud and bloom into mighty oaks, planted beside waters that do not run dry but continually feed them. May their roots grow deep and wide, and may their fruit and shade where others find hope be equally tall and wide. Finally, pray for those who are in the sunset of their lives. Pray they will speak truth and share their wisdom with the generations below. Pray their love for Christ would not fade with the changes they see so that they become bitter, but will, instead, spark an even more fervent desire to encourage that which is Godly and speak correction to that which will pull away.  Pray, too, that their hearts would be full, knowing they are necessary and needed to those of us trudging behind. May we all know what it is to encourage each other and lift each other up to do that which God has given us to do. WE are The Church. May our actions toward others be like a lighthouse to those looking for hope. 

D) Finally, our World - God is moving in ways we may not know this side of Heaven, but we can stand on the promise that He is at work in the hearts and minds of His creation. Pray The Church (which knows no boundaries) will be strengthened around the world. In a time when communication from Africa to Alaska is just as quick as Germany to Switzerland, let the Word of God spread around the globe that His kingdom will be enlarged. 

This is for all of us, but nestles easily into a World request - if your specific area of the world has a need for prayer that is inherent to your area, will you share it in the comments? Then we can all be praying for each other and lifting each other up to the Throne of Grace with Confidence in our Lord Jesus. 

Thank you for joining me in prayer. Set an alarm on your phone or watch for each day at 1:17 and pray. The beauty of God's economy is that the "fervent prayers of a righteous man availeth much." This means that if one day you can pray deeply and specifically for a lengthened amount of time - huzzah! It also means that if your prayer is heartfelt and honest before Him but it is a mere few seconds long - huzzah all the same!  He tells us in multiple Psalms that He bends down to listen to us as we say His name...so, my brothers and sisters in Christ - say His name and lift up your requests. He cares and is not finished with us yet. 

May you be blessed in your prayer time, strengthened as you wear your Armor of God each day, and emboldened to love well as you live in the Joy of the Lord. 

Be the Church...

Trayc

Sometimes I wonder how smart I really am.

"I've been MIA from this blog for quite some time" said Captain Obvious. So goes the story of my life.

In January, 2017 (the year of release) I started a new adventure as a Substitute Teacher in my local school district. I decided that a Kindergarten class would a great place to start.

Sometimes I wonder how smart I really am.

I made it through the day, but knew Kindergarten teacher was not my forte'! Second Grade, Third Grade, Fourth Grade, shoot, even Fifth Grade were more up my alley. I also discovered I liked subbing in Middle School English, Reading, Leadership....and Choir. My favorite job so far, however, was High School Choir. It's my wheelhouse. It's where I come alive and know I'm able to do exactly what needs to be done to help them stay the course and even improve a little bit.

The closest second was Middle School Leadership. I have become a student of leaders over the years, and being able to share with, inspire and invest in leaders of the future was a blessing I thoroughly enjoyed.

The job that has changed my life, though, is the long-term job I held this past Spring of 2018. I was asked to finish the year in an unfilled Music position at a local Elementary school teaching all Kinder classes, Two 2nd grade classes, One 3rd grade class, and a Primary SLC class. I did not expect the crazy lovable students in those classes to crawl in and fill my heart with a desire to go back into the classroom. They did, however, do just that.

These are students who attend a school where transition and trauma are words we use often. These are students whose families experience life very differently than many of you reading this blog. These are students who love life, love to laugh, love to sing/dance/play, but may not always know how to behave "correctly" or how to communicate in such a way that would keep them from getting in trouble. These are students who have no fewer possibilities in front of them than anyone else in this country.....but don't see that in their day-to-day. I started this job on February 20th. With each passing day it became my heart's desire to help them see the possibilities and to encourage their own belief in their ability to make their dreams come true.

So, without a current teaching certificate (I have a lifetime Sub Certificate); having not been a classroom music teacher in 22 years, and having no time spent in Elementary music (except for my Student Teaching time), I decided to apply for the open position that I was currently filling as a Sub.
Sometimes I wonder how smart I really am.

In this case, after an interview that did NOTHING to show my capabilities as an actual teacher (and a sight-singing event of which I am THOROUGHLY embarrassed!), I also wonder how smart the District Admin was. He did, however, have the word of the music teachers I had subbed for in the district that I was honestly capable, and maybe a slight desire to just get the position filled before he handed the reigns of the position over to his replacement upon his retirement in a month's time. I'd like to thank the music teachers in our district who trusted me with their classes and spoke highly of me....because I still think I snuck in by the blinding of truth by angels above!

And now I wonder what on earth I was thinking!

As the new school year looms I find myself sitting in meetings and trainings with people who understand music on a theoretical level that has always been an anomaly to me. I sit with people who thoroughly enjoy the analysis of a composition - that I simply want to perform and bring to its emotional life. I sit with people who have made a life's joy of peeling off the layers of musical composition and teaching students how to do the same. I am intimidated, awkward, and truly in awe of their abilities and understanding.

Also very jealous.

Jealous of their lives that never required them to shut the door on their life's passion. Jealous of their brains that never had a theory professor look at them and wonder how they could possibly think they'd make it as a musician without understanding the underpinnings of a Bartok composition or the disgust of parallel motion. Jealous of their knowledge of all things music and pedagogy and methodology.

So very jealous.

And fearful of whether I really should have been allowed to sneak in under the radar.

Here I sit. Nine days before school is supposed to start (our teacher union and district are in negotiation...it is unclear as to whether we will start on the actual date of August 28th), and my self-doubt is crippling while my personal knowledge of what I have accomplished in a life no one here knows anything about pushes to the forefront and says in true Dowager Countess fashion, "Oh, DO SHUT UP!"

I know I have musical knowledge in line with what I need to have as a classroom music teacher.

I know I have the ability to work with children and help them discover they can be successful in ways they never thought.

I know I am working at a school where I have comrades in arms who are an inspiration to push on regardless of the hard parts.

I know I surprised myself as I went through two weeks of training in the Orff Methods Level 1 with people who are truly accomplished musicians. I kept up for the most part....and I am able to play recorder a lot better than I originally thought I could!

I also know I am in a district with some of the most amazing music teachers who are willing to share their knowledge in the areas I am not familiar with (as in, recorders!).

I have to make that list, as silly as it seems, because, well, let's be honest.....TWENTY TWO YEARS IS A FREAKING LONG TIME!!!!!

So I have decided three things in the midst of this transition:

1) I cannot do anything I am created to do without daily renewal from my Creator, and I have a plan for what the next 4 months at least will look like in keeping my daily quiet time in the forefront. I also have friends who will keep me accountable in what I will do. Brother Lawrence, in his book, "The Practice of the Presence of Christ" has convicted me of the need to remember I am to do all things for the glory of God and God alone. If I receive applause or praise, it is because He has given me the ability to do what I do.

2) I must be kind to myself and be willing to admit what I do not know while being confident in what I do know. The only way I will be successful is to be prepared each week. Therefore, lesson plans will be planned well in advance so as to keep me on track. After seeing "Won't You Be My Neighbor" I want to teach with the motto, "there are many slow moments, but no wasted moments." Reminding myself that silence is truly golden - precious in both renewing of spirit as well as in processing of learning. My students deserve to have a class where they are a priority in the preparation.

3) I MUST take time to enjoy life in real life as well as taking time to see the opportunities for LAUGHTER in the classroom. I am a creative person at heart, and need to make sure I spend time being creative in NON-musical ways as well as in musical. In order to keep my perspective, I have to remember that music is not the end-all-be-all of my life. It is, instead, a GIFT from The End-All-Be-All of my life, and keeping a running list of things I'm grateful for will help that.

And that's that! By next Tuesday I'll have a room put together to welcome the students back; a lesson plan scope and sequence for the entire year; full knowledge of everything I will ever need to know....and.....my students will play this by month's end!

Uuuummmmm.....yeah. No. By next Tuesday I'll be prepared to welcome my students back with a room decorated with them in mind, lessons designed to help them ENJOY the discovery of musicianship, and a grateful heart that I snuck in with no viable reason other than my love of learning, life and music.

I have no doubt I am where I need to be at this moment and am determined to make the best of every moment. I go forth whispering...

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.